


Best Helpline in the Universe

by wIBBLEY_wOBBLEY_tIMEY_wIMEY_sTUFF



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:35:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23120095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wIBBLEY_wOBBLEY_tIMEY_wIMEY_sTUFF/pseuds/wIBBLEY_wOBBLEY_tIMEY_wIMEY_sTUFF
Summary: Takes place just before "The Bells of Saint John" with references to previous episodes:Missy is bored and the Doctor is sad that he's lost his friends. Well she's got to do something about that...
Kudos: 6





	Best Helpline in the Universe

"Whee!"

Sometimes Missy just couldn't keep that whimsical side of hers at bay as she leapt and twirled around the console room. She stopped at the console and started to leaf through her little brown book for inspiration. The doctor just had to see her now. _Ooh!_ She could just imagine the look on his face... whichever one he decided to show up in. She needed him to see her now. She needed her friend back.

Her last plan had been an utter disaster, crossed out violently in her book... although she didn't remember much of it. Something about cybermen. When she had reached the end of her book, filled with ideas that _just wouldn't do_ she tossed it away in a huff and spun on her heel to flop own in a seat.

 _He's so used to me now, I need whole armies to get his attention; and I've had plenty of those!_

With that thought, she sat bolt upright.

_What would he do... with an army? He thinks he's so right, with the most powerful army in the universe he could decide the outcome of all the wars throughout space and time! We're not so different, he needs to see that._

Her face fell and she slumped back in her chair.

_What's the most powerful thing in the universe? A dalek could be good... but I'd be dead within 5 seconds of finding one. The sontarans are a good military force... but they give me the creeps the little potatoes. Cybermen could work... but they'd need living tissue and he'd never-_

Her eyes lit up and the ghost of a smile danced across he lips.

_What if... I could engineer a substance... allowing cybermen to harvest dead tissue? He can't have any qualms with that! It's not like they're doing anything anytime soon! I'd have to be a genius... or mad - which I am... both! I just might be able to pull this off!_

She rolled her eyes and lightly slapped her wrist.

_What are you talking about Missy... of course you can! Don't ever doubt yourself!_

With that thought she strode over to the console and brought up the live video from the Doctor's tardis - which she had just in case - he was currently in his eleventh regeneration, sitting and reading... alone.

_Well it won't be any fun if he's moping! He's doing that weird thing with his face - he looks... sad. He needs a little friend to play with. He works better with females, human would probably be best._

She pulled the lever and her tardis began to perform it's symphony as it flew through the time stream. When she landed in 21st century England, she didn't leave just yet. Instead, she began furiously typing as images of human women flew past her eyes until she had narrowed it down to three.

One had short, black hair and green eyes... _but she looks sooo dull._ The second had long, blonde hair and blue eyes... _Oh no, absolutely not. We are not going through another Rose fiasco!_ But the third intrigued her. She had medium length, brown hair and big, brown eyes. _She seems feisty... I'll have to see her for myself._

As she sauntered to the door, picking up a parasol as she went, she read about her choice on her vortex manipulator:

Her name was Clara Oswald, 24 years old, nanny to two little brats * _yawn_ and... - she stopped in her tracks just before the door - died in the dalek asylum... and Victorian London... and thousands of other places and times. _Why, Clara... you do seem to be a rather intriguing choice at the moment._

Missy stepped outside and admired her tardis as the chameleon circuit changed it to look like a tree... not the most interesting form it had ever taken, but it would do.

And there she was, walking down the road on her phone. This was Missy's chance, so she put her tardis key around her neck - a little trick she'd learned from the doctor - so that Clara wouldn't recognise her if they met again. When she was close enough, she dropped her parasol and squealed.

"Oh, let me help you with that" said Clara as she handed Missy back her parasol

"Thank you my dear" Missy replied. Clara smiled and walked away and Missy slowly turned and looked at her parasol as Clara's hand-print began to softly glow. _Thank you so much._ She grinned evilly and sprinted as fast as she could back to her tardis. Once she was inside, she transferred the information on her parasol to the console and marvelled at the thousands of images of Clara that appeared around her. There seemed to be no reason for Clara to be in any of these places or times or why she never remembered it, until one person in one image stuck out to her. It was a man. A man with dark, curly hair. A man with dark curly hair... and a very long scarf.

 _Of course! He'd have to have something to do with it!_ She typed something into her console and all of the images changed to show her only ones that the Doctor was also in, but there were still so many, still in the thousands.

 _Oh, my Clara... You will do quite nicely!_ With that she scribbled down the Doctor's number onto a slip of paper and prepared to go out.

* * *

It had taken some time to find the appropriate outfit, because if she was going to interact with Clara, the perception filter would not work. Finally, she burst from her wardrobe room in plimsolls, jeans, a dark green t-shirt and a baby pink cardigan. O _h yes, this is perfectly average._ She let her hair down from it's usual tightly pinned position and - for the pièce de résistance - grabbed a pair of glasses and went out. When Clara walked into a shop she wandered closely to her - having swiped a name-tag from someone named Sarah - wondering how to get the number to her, but inspiration struck when Clara's phone stopped working.

"Oh, stupid phone!" Clara growled, as Missy ambled over to her.

"Trouble with your phone sweetie?" she said in the most sickeningly sweet voice she could muster.

"Oh, yes, actually, I'm trying to connect to the internet but it's not working" Clara replied while violently pressing buttons on her phone.

"Well, if I may?" asked Missy, her hand outstretched. Clara handed her her phone and she watched Missy press a great number of buttons that she didn't understand at lightning speed.

"There you go, you're connected now." Missy said as she handed the phone back.

"Thank you" Clara sighed, "it's been playing up all week!"

"Well if you ever need anything else, just call this number." Missy said, handing over the Doctor's number.

"Oh, cool. Is it a helpline or something?" Clara replied as she took the piece of paper.

"Definitely." Missy confirmed, "Best helpline in the universe."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading  
> Please be nice to me because this is my first fan-fiction and I already know it's not very good :-)))


End file.
